It’s very easy to look at Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union’s Instagram and see a perfect, blended family. But beneath the surface, the NBA champion and the Hollywood star have their fair share of real, everyday clashes as parents. Of course, this is not a new revelation. But a recent “heated discussion” they had sheds new light on their dynamic, one rooted in their very different upbringings.

The couple spoke openly about these challenges in Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson’s IMO podcast this week. As Union told Obama and her brother, “We just had this heated discussion the other day, you know, because he’s never raised girls. And I grew up with three girls.” They didn’t specify what it was about, but it sounds like a common and easily resolved occurrence in their household.

Wade, who has been a “boy dad” since his early 20s, explained that his approach is individual to each child. Responding to a listener’s question, D-Wade said, “I’ve had a son since I was 23 all the way down to Kaav at six. I approach a relationship with each one of them as individuals, but also, too, I love Kaav; that’s my baby, but I’m an owner too, because your work has to show you want certain things. If not, we don’t get those.” 

Clearly, the lessons he learned from basketball have also translated to how he approaches certain topics or situations with his kids. But it sometimes clashes with Union’s perspective.

Having been raised by parents who were divorced and particularly by her father, who spoke to her and her sisters in a specific way, Gab is highly attuned to the tones used with children. “You can see how our father spoke to us and how he, the tones he used, and the analogies, how it’s impacted all of us to this day when it comes to the men in our lives and the choices we’ve made surrounding men,” she noted.

For a long time, Wade and Union have advocated for treating every child as an individual of their own. And they’re not shy about admitting this will cause a few conflicts every parent needs to navigate.

Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union make differences work

Back when Dwyane Wade did his second stint as Jenna Bush Hager’s co-host on Today, they spoke at length about how they started off their blended family. Union made it clear to his older kids that she was not replacing either parent. She was there as a special friend. That’s why Wade’s older kids called her “Nickie,” from her middle name Monique.

These same kids helped the 3x NBA champ propose to Gab in 2014. Union is Zaya’s biggest champion. The future astrobiologist showed gratitude to her stepmom for giving her confidence. Even if Gab’s TikTok dances give her secondhand embarrassment.

This is a different dynamic Wade has with their kids. He’s not afraid to admit he had to re-learn how to be a dad to Zaya after she came out. Wade had spoken about when he’s a strict coach and a no-nonsense dad with his kids. It’s something personal for him, as his relationship with his own father suffered because he was a harsh coach most of the time. Sometimes Union could see that and – as she told Obama – think to herself, “Okay, feels a little harsh, feels a little harsh.”

Then she also reconciles with, “But also trying to figure out, ‘What is the balance?’ Like, ‘How do you break them of a habit without breaking them?’ And it’s a very delicate balance, and each kid is so different, so different.” But everything they’re doing – even though it happens via trial and error – seems to be working.

Zaya revealed that she’s approached by young people many times and told they wished they had parents like D-Wade and Gab. So, from the looks of it, they’ve got that balance right. Hopefully, parents around the world can also take a leaf (or two) out of their playbook.