Motherhood has definitely unlocked a side of Deiondra Sanders she never knew she had. Along with baby Snow came feelings of self-doubt, insecurity, identity crisis, and countless rhetorical questions.

“When I first had Snow, he was in NICU,” Deiondra Sanders recently revealed on the Deep End with Lecrae podcast. “So, I couldn’t really connect with him anyways. Of course, I would go see him every day for hours.

“Breastfeeding was very hard for me. Pumping milk when I only wanted to do breast milk at the time. So, I couldn’t really connect with him like that either. Like he wasn’t latching on. So, it was just really me like, ‘Am I able to feed my child? Like, am I a good mom?’ That was the beginning stuff.

Snow was born on Aug 9, 2024, the same day as his grandfather Deion’s birthday, delivered by the same doctor who delivered her 34 years prior. But medical complexity overshadowed such happy coincidences. After having multiple miscarriages, a shortened cervix, and myomectomies before her pregnancy, she needed to undergo cerclage surgery to prevent early labor.

Snow had to be delivered through a caesarean section. But that was only the beginning of the postpartum emotional toll. Through it all, she had lovely siblings and a caring father by her side. In the immediate aftermath of Snow’s birth, his father and R&B singer, Jacquees, could not hold back his joy on social media. The thoughts of fatherhood were pleasant, and it felt like Deiondra Sanders would have no challenge except the natural ones that followed her childbirth.

It’s a known fact at this point that Deiondra’s brothers, including Shilo, Shedeur, and Bucky, were strongly against the relationship. Deiondra has been pretty vocal about how they witnessed Jacquees allegedly treating her over the years. Despite the internal tension, the month before Snow’s birth, Jacquees proposed to Deiondra at their baby shower, to which she said yes. That didn’t last long, with the couple breaking it off a year later.

“Some other thing that I dealt with postpartum that kinda made it worse is probably my relationship as well,” Deiondra Sanders added. “During the birth, it was cool, but when it really counted, he just chose everything else other than me. So, that kind of battled with me too. It’s like I’ve lost myself; I’m grieving the old me. I don’t know who I am. I need somebody to just pick me and choose me, so I could feel myself again. So, for me, not having that kind of affected the way I felt as well.”

It was a messy, quite public breakup. It initially picked up steam when Deiondra claimed she was intentionally kept away from Jacquees and Dej Loaf’s joint appearances during the album rollout. Speculation was rife about Jacqueez and Loaf’s relationship, which made Deiondra feel completely siloed. She needed a platform to voice her frustrations, and she chose social media to do that:

“People gotta fake a relationship to [sell] albums. Stop asking me why I’m not around. I am not allowed to be around them cause Dej would feel uncomfortable if his fiancée there.”

Weeks after her breakup, Deiondra admitted she regretted it, although she still stands by what was said to this day. Now a year later, she doesn’t sound all that different. If at all, there’s one thing she’s made clear: That she’s not going to let anyone rewrite her narrative.