Everybody knows who took the biggest L of the Michigan–Ohio State game — it’s Dave Portnoy. After weeks and months of trash-talking and downplaying Ohio State and Ryan Day, the Barstool president got humbled today. The Fox Big Noon host made up his mind that he doesn’t want to get involved with anything that has Ohio State in it anymore after his house got a level-1 burglary from Ohio State fans.

It all began with the game. After four years of trials and tribulations, Ohio State head coach Ryan Day finally came out on the glory side, beating Sherrone Moore’s can’t-throw-the-ball Michigan offense in a 27–9 bout. Obviously, the loss was a tough pill to swallow for Michigan fans, yes, including Portnoy, who had been loudly hyping up his team all week.

Right after the heartbreaking, one-sided beating, Dave Portnoy hopped on X and made an announcement that brought instant relief to Ohio State fans: “I would like to announce that I will not be at the Big 10 championship with @BNKonFOX. Good luck to all the teams involved.”

It was basically him throwing a little public tantrum because his team lost the biggest game of the year. He wasn’t quitting his job or anything; it was just a temporary “I’m too sad to show up” moment.

With Michigan out of Big 10 championship contention, the Bossman decided not to waste his breath on Ohio State. The Big 10 title game is most likely to happen between No. 2 ranked Curt Cignetti’s Hoosiers and No. 1 Ryan Day’s Ohio State Buckeyes in the first half of December.

To make things worse for Dave Portnoy, Ohio State fans jumped over and vandalized his backyard with pro–Ryan Day posters. El Presidente took it to X and plans to seek revenge: “Whoever vandalized my home is lucky Miss Peaches is too kind to bite. The rivalry giveth. The rivalry taketh away.” The Big Noon decision story might be a tall tale, but the emotions were totally real for him and all of Michigan nation.

Dave Pornoy explains why he ended his stream pre-maturely

Michigan never had a chance today against Ryan Day’s wrath, before it got worse, Dave Portnoy ended his live stream early. He later explained that while he technically had a flight, he really left because it was clear Ohio State was going to win. He admitted that Ohio State played much better.

Portnoy also talked about a controversial call in the game where a Michigan touchdown could have been ruled a touchback. He said, “Sure, they benefitted from the crazy call, but Michigan’s gotta get better.” He recognized that even with the call, Michigan would have struggled because Ohio State played better in all three phases of the game.

Looking back on the season, Portnoy noted that Michigan lost to all the best teams they faced, including Oklahoma and USC. And doubled down with accountability: “Michigan men never point the finger… we got our asses f—— wooped today.”

Portnoy discussed the team’s future. While he said coach Sherrone Moore should get another year, he stressed improvement is necessary. “He’s gotta take the next step next year and start winning against good teams.” He said. With Dave being away from football, it’s going to be a bit of calm week.