Shohei Ohtani’s bat may be a distant memory in LA, but the Angels haven’t shed a single tear in memoriam. Instead, they’re stitching together a Frankensteinian bullpen in a desperate bid for relevance. Forget Mike Trout’s dingers or Anthony Rendon’s rakes. The name of the game in Anaheim right now is a relief—and the Halos are going all-in.

Last year’s bullpen was a leaky faucet, hemorrhaging runs like a pinata stuck mid-air. A 4.88 ERA, tied for the fifth worst in the league, was the grim punchline. Enter Perry Minasian, the Angels’ General Manager, with a plan as unorthodox as a knuckleball. He isn’t patching leaks but building a moat.

Los Angeles Angels’ angel away: Bullpen takes the spotlight in a risky reshuffle

This offseason, the Los Angeles Angels have been stockpiling arms like a squirrel, gathering nuts for winter. Adam Kolarek, Luis Castillo, Adam Cimber, Matt Moore, Robert Stephenson, and Zach Plesac—all relievers, all hoping to drown out the ghosts of blown saves’ past.

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“We had a hard time in the sixth, seventh, eighth inning,” Minasian admitted to The Athletic—an understatement as thick as California fog. When he was pointed out to the fact that the team has added more power to the bullpen than anywhere else on the rotation, Minasian was swift to come back with a coy reply: “I think that’s the only place we’ve added.”

So, is this motley crew the bullpen of the Los Angeles Angels’ dreams? Maybe, maybe not. The plan has Carlos Estevez as the closer, his late-season struggles notwithstanding. Behind him? The electric Robert Stephenson, who’s got a WHIP lower than your cholesterol after having oat milk lattes; then comes Matt Moore, followed by the enigmatic Jaime Garcia. Questions linger, though.

Can Jose Soriano and Ben Joyce, last year’s closer hopefuls, handle the heat? Will the oft-injured arms hold up? And what about the rest of the roster—a lineup as thin as Shotime’s thick biceps? It rests on the shaky shoulders of young guns who might have flamed out last year. It’s a high-stakes gamble, a high-wire act without a net, and the only safety line is a bullpen thicker than Trout’s bat.

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But hey, at least there’s a plan. And unlike Frankenstein’s monster, this one might just have the muscle to carry the Angels to the promised land. Or, you know, at least tread water until next year’s free agency frenzy. One that is sure to not make as much of a mess as the Unicorn’s departure left them in.

Are Angels all at sea after Ohtani tsunami, or can Trout steer the ship?

According to The Athletic, Trout, the oft-silent superstar, has kept his lips sealed about Shotime’s defection, fueling speculation about his own discontent. Could this be the year Trout no longer overshadowed, finally reclaim his MVP mojo? Or will the pressure crack the Halos’ heart and soul?

Speaking of cracks, the Los Angeles Angels’ infield hinges on the fragile health of Anthony Rendon. His injury track record screams anything but “designated hitter.” Can he even stay healthy enough for that? The Angels would be foolish not to have a “Plan B” ready. Pitching is another quagmire.

The starting rotation rests on the untested shoulders of Patrick Sandoval, Reid Detmers, and Griffin Canning. Can they blossom into a legit trio, or will they crumble under the pressure? One intriguing wildcard is minor leaguer Miguel Sano, the enigmatic slugger with a strikeout rate that rivals a pinball machine. Low risk, high reward? The Halos seem to be all-in to bet on it.

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So, should you jump aboard the Los Angeles Angels’ leaky ship in 2024? The answer, like a knuckleball, is unpredictable. Trout’s possible resurgence, Ohtani’s evident absence, and a gamble on the bullpen’s raw power could make for a wild ride. But with a shaky infield, an unproven rotation, and a lot of unanswered questions, it might be wise to pack your Dramamine before setting sail.