Pat Murphy is sitting in his Milwaukee Brewers office with a coffee mug in hand. He is ready to talk about the personal demons that shaped him. The 66-year-old ex-boxer, who didn’t manage his first major league team until he was 64, has scars that go deeper than any championship loss.

Following the Brewers’ emotional National League Division Series victory over the Cubs, champagne and Budweiser flooded the clubhouse. Murphy stood among the celebration, smelling the alcohol in the air, but never touched a drop. “Drinking is everywhere in this game,” Murphy told USA TODAY Sports during a 90-minute interview. “But I can’t.”

Watching his father, in fact, Murphy nearly followed the same path. But he understands what’s at stake. “When I used to drink, I wanted to either fight or (expletive),” he shatred. “Both of them lead to bad things.” The roots of Murphy’s sobriety run deeper than personal struggle—they’re buried in the graves of those he lost to alcoholism.

“I watched the disease kill my dad,” Murphy recalled, the words heavy with loss. “I watched it kill Bobby Welch. It’s just too personal.” The former Oakland Athletics All-Star pitcher became another casualty of alcoholism, joining Murphy’s father in a list of losses that shaped Murphy’s resolve.

Murphy grew up in Syracuse, fighting, drinking, and playing sports without direction, unable to manage even his personal life.

“I still have trouble believing I’m the manager of the Milwaukee Brewers,” he admitted. “I couldn’t even manage my personal life, so how in the world was I going to lead a major-league team?” Now he stands as proof that confronting your demons comes before leading others through theirs.

His three failed marriages and children ranging from 39 to 6 years old tell part of that story. The lessons apply to more than just personal demons; they describe the moment his team is facing right now on the biggest stage in baseball.

The Brewers are in a tough spot as they head back to the field on Thursday night. They are already down 0-2 to the Los Angeles Dodgers in the National League Championship Series. Murphy’s team needs answers against Tyler Glasnow after losing 2-1 in Game 1 and seeing Yoshinobu Yamamoto pitch a complete game in Game 2. The pressure is on.

Brewers face elimination battle against Dodgers

The team that won all six regular-season games against Los Angeles looks completely different in the playoffs.

Murphy told reporters on Wednesday that the pitching plan is still “under construction,” but Jacob Misiorowski and José Quintana are two pitchers who could handle most of the innings. The uncertainty shows how desperate the situation is right now; when normal plans don’t work, you have to make new ones on the fly.

Milwaukee’s offense has disappeared at the worst possible time.

The Brewers only got five hits and scored two runs in the first two games, which shows how hard they were having it with a team batting average of .086. They need to win at least two of their three games on the West Coast against a Dodgers team that is at full strength to stay in the race.