“I never wanted kids,” Gabrielle Union previously told PEOPLE. “Then I became a stepmom, and there was no place I’d rather be than with them.” It’s wild how fairy tales convinced us that stepmoms are supposed to be evil—thanks, Cinderella—but then you see someone like Gabrielle Union and realize, nope, that was just a bedtime story. Because what she’s built with Dwyane Wade’s kids? That’s real love. But don’t get it twisted—just because she makes it look graceful doesn’t mean it’s easy. Ask Dwyane Wade.

Gabrielle and Dwyane tied the knot in 2014—but that was only the prologue to their big, beautifully blended love story. After enduring “eight or nine” miscarriages, they welcomed their daughter Kaavia James via surrogacy in November 2018. She became the youngest of a vibrant crew that included Wade’s four other children: Zaire, Zaya, Xavier, and his nephew Dahveon, whom he’s raised since 2011. That’s five kids, one home, and an ocean of love—though getting there meant navigating some rocky beginnings between Gab and the kids.

Appearing on Today with Jenna & Friends, Wade opened up about one of the hardest chapters in their relationship: the moment he introduced Gabrielle to his children. “We had the older boys at the time, but her and Zaya really built a special bond,” Wade said. “And so it’s good to see how everything turned out, but in the beginning… it was rough.”

Still, Wade was certain about Gabrielle. “My kids are such a big part of my life, and I went through a very public custody battle,” he explained. “So they kind of just came with me. It was kind of like, alright, stepmom.” He called it the biggest turning point in their relationship: blending two worlds into one.

“Introducing her to the kids would be the biggest step,” he admitted. “Because when it’s just the two of you, everything’s great. But then you’ve got to bring the kids into it—and that was tough. They were so young. You don’t know the right time, you don’t know the right words.” Wade didn’t sugarcoat it—those early days weren’t easy.

 “She didn’t sign up to be a stepmom necessarily when we first started dating. So it was a little rough early on,” he said. But something beautiful began to grow—especially with Zaya. “She’s been incredible,” Wade shared. “Zaya was only about three years old at the time, and now she’s 18. To be able to grow with each other—it’s kind of like her first kid. She’d never really raised a child before.”

And Zaya embraced her just the same.

In 2020, Zaya publicly came out as trans, and one person stood beside her like an unshakable force—Gabrielle Union. Her stepmother wasn’t just present; she was pivotal. Known for her boldness, compassion, and advocacy, Union gave Zaya the space and freedom to define herself. “My stepmom has just instilled such a confidence in my femininity,” Zaya said. “She was so adamant about telling me that I don’t have to look or act a certain way—I can just be me. And, oh my god, I thank her every day for it.”

Gabrielle Union doesn’t like to be called a “step-mom”

When Gabrielle Union married Dwyane Wade, she didn’t just gain a husband—she stepped into a whole new kind of family. But don’t expect her to use the term “stepmom.” Gabrielle straight-up admits, “The stepparent label was put on me by the kids’ school because you have to describe yourself: Who are you if you’re not their mother? It’s very annoying. It’s not a word that I use.” Her journey into motherhood wasn’t something she planned, but something life handed her in the most unexpected way. “So all of a sudden it was Monday, and we were just this carefree couple… And then on Tuesday, the kids arrived on a dime,” she said. That shift—suddenly helping parent Wade’s kids and his nephew—was a crash course in love, patience, and identity.

At first, Union admits, it was a lot to process. “I had to figure out a way to know what my place is—not just in [Zaya’s] life but in our house. And then who can I be to her, like a revered adult,” she explained. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing, but like I’m here with them every day. Am I supposed to be a friend?”

Over time, though, she realized that her role wasn’t about replacing anyone—it was about simply being there. “You will never, ever—I don’t care if the other parent is dead—you will never be able to replace the other parent,” she said. “Don’t try and replace the other parent. That is not your job. Your job is to be consistent.” And that’s exactly what she did.

And through it all—boogers, flashcards, heartbreaks, school dances—Gabrielle found a new version of herself. “It’s been a journey,” she said with a smile. “The trying to do the work, led to doing the work, led to us thriving because of the work,” she said. It wasn’t just about fitting into the kids’ lives; it was about becoming a whole family. “He just asked me to commit to trying… to make our family whole,” she shared, smiling. And that trying?

“It’s changed my life in so many wondrous ways,” Gabrielle said. “It does make me wish I had done it earlier.”